10/13/14: Making a Way

I always took shortcuts,
which slowed me down.
I thought rules were overrated.
I never stopped at stop signs,
rarely followed speed limits.
I didn’t brush my hair,
rarely even washed it.
I couldn’t look people in the eye.
I thought the world was unbearable without dope.
I figured I would sleep when I was dead,
which almost killed me
in the end.

I always acted before thinking,
which caused me to regret.
I thought happiness came at too high a price.
I never packed an umbrella,
but cursed and shivered in the rain.
I didn’t hug my parents,
but instead lie and stole.
I couldn’t look in the mirror.
I thought only about the next high.
I figured my soul was doomed for damnation,
which damned me
in the end.

I always had to be the best,
which made me the worst.
I thought no one would notice.
I never tied my shoes, never wiped off my makeup.
I didn’t see myself as a junkie,
didn’t think it could ever happen.
I couldn’t keep dancing with the needle.
Yet, I couldn’t find the strength to walk away.
I thought faith was for the weak and dumb;
But I figured I had nothing left to lose,
which saved me
in the end.

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