The Longest, Best 60 Days

On one hand, I have no Quote of the Day to share with you guys. On the other hand, today I celebrated 60 days clean. While usually, I would keep this to myself instead of letting the entire internet know that I’m a recovering addict; but, there’s something about today that…is very difficult to explain. Its the closet thing I’ve felt to serenity in a very long time.

I decided to take this chance to share one of my poems that I wrote this summer at my second in-patient treatment. So, here you go. Enjoy.

Road to Recovery

She picked it up quickly—
the walk, the talk,
the power of hips.
But the worms wormed
their way through the
with crooked smiles and slimy words
and made their beds with bile
that she coughed up in a fit.

As she felt herself slipping,
she threw up her hands, silently
“Somebody help me!”
Yet no woman or man
bore the strength to pull her out
of the grave she had made.
The only thing left to do
was to pray, but she wasn’t sure what exactly to say.

Piling dirt upon dirt,
drugs filled the hole up; killed
her ambition, so she tried to sober up. But
her soul took a beating,
made it hard to stay clean.
These people promised a new day
and a new way of life.
They promised serenity
if she changed just a few
of the details,
the places,
the people she knew.

“Never mind, scratch that,”
they told her instead.
“You must change EVERYTHING or
you will end up dead.”
Her reflections in mirrors made her
sick with disgust. Her fate faced a fork—
to change or to die
and in that desperation,
she knew that she
turn over her life,
surrender her will
because this thing she had in her,
its intent is to kill.

There is no end point,
no regaining of control.
It may stop raining but the
always hold the power to open
and drown newfound hope.
As she learned time and time again,
the battle against
she alone cannot win.

The steps aren’t easy but
she found it quite simple:

            “Suit up, show up, ask for
help, don’t pick up,
pick up the phone, don’t use,
lose the attitude, admit your
defeat, don’t be afraid
to take that leap of
try not to be late, trust love,
let go of hate and
above all else—you CAN do this,
just not by yourself.”

I don’t know if I’ll be clean the rest of my life. But I know that for today, I don’t have to use. The freedom nearly takes my breath away.


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